When first the Fox saw the Lion he was terribly frightened, and ran away and hid himself in the wood. Next time however he came near the King of Beasts he stopped at a safe distance and watched him pass by. The third time they came near one another the Fox went straight up to the Lion and passed the time of day with him, asking him how his family were, and when he should have the pleasure of seeing him again; then turning his tail, he parted from the Lion without much ceremony.
Familiarity breeds contempt.
I'm a good mother.
Let me rephrase that.
I'm a damn good mother. And I say that with every ounce of confidence, sincerity, and vanity that I have inside of me. I take pride in it. And I boast it everywhere I go. My goal is to make no mistakes and learn something new every day. So I do.
There's nothing I love more than to be a mommy. The only thing thats relatively close is being a wife.
When I found out that I was pregnant with my oldest daughter, I was only 19 years young. A child. But at that age, you couldn't tell me anything. I thought the world danced in circles, and it danced around me. But that changed drastically when the first contraction set in. Labor is pain like no other. I like to think that it prepared me for being a mommy in that, there's no way to prepare. You cant explain to anyone who's never felt it before what it's like. (And then you forget how much it hurts when you go on to plan for another. You have to forget, otherwise you'll be traumatized for life) Even the temporary relief of an epidural doesn't help. You're uncomfortable, exhausted, and anticipating when it will wear off and you'll feel the pain again. So my entire labor I was on edge. So many different emotions were running through me in that 10 hours of labor. I screamed, cried, laughed, cursed, yelled, threatened a few doctors, promised my daughters dad I'd castrate him, and eventually had to be put on oxygen as I damn near flat out refused to breathe... Could this really be what my life had come to? Death during child birth? Lord just take me now, cuz THIS cant be worth it!!!!
But it was. Every ounce of pain was more than worth it.
Today, 7 years later, I've learned that labor isn't over when you walk out that delivery room. I still get angry and frustrated. I scream and holler from time to time, and when I get my epidural, I'm still a tad bit on edge wondering when the next bout of uneasiness is going to come around. When she's in pain, I cry. When she's silly, I laugh. When she acts out or does something I dont agree with, I yell... and when I'm cooking dinner, doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen, and tending to her crying brother, and she walks over for me to please cut her apple into pieces for her lunch tomorrow... I want to throw in the towel and give up. But I dont. I cant. Cuz it's all worth it. She drives me up a wall, and I'm noticing that raising a little girl in todays day and age will prove itself challenging, but my labor is far from over.
Now, my son was an entirely different story. The second time around, I suppose it would be. The labor was a looong 18 hours. However, the pain was minimal. I was more tired and just ready more than anything. 15 hours in, I got the epidural, took a nap, woke up, and tapped the nurse "I think it may be time to push... I feel some pressure." After three or 4 pushes, he was out. Easy right? We shall see.
Based off of my daughter alone, so far, her life = my labor. I have suffered many days trying to figure out how I would take care of her. I've been through undergrad and graduate school as a single mother. I've been down to my last dollar, and still ensured that she had the best. I've wanted to give up many times, I've cried and cried, wanting more for her. I'd been through a very bad relationship, but still she always had the best. But again, I dont mind. I love her dearly, and this labor she's putting me through has made things so that I'm able to withstand anything. I'm in a terrific situation to care for and raise my son and nephew. With every labor pain she puts me through, and I come out of alive... I'm able to better anticipate the ones that are to come. My little angel...
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