Day 1...

BOY OH BOY... 2014 was one helluva year... Then again, isn't that what everyone says? "Last year was rough, but this year will be better!!" It sounds cliche to proclaim that, but I will. Because I'm believing that I control my destiny, my mood, and my sanity. I dont want to go through everything of the year, but in fairness to myself, I feel that a small recap is needed. From the beginning... We decided that we'd have another little one.. and we did. And found out in happiness that he'd be here a few days after my bday and around the same time as two of my best friends... yep, BFF's pregnant together... fun right? Well, to this day, I'm still not sure as to why I am no longer friends with one of them... something just went left, or right... I honestly dont know. My efforts to find out went ignored, so I let it go. People grow. And sometimes that growth is apart, regardless of the hurt. My other friends were expecting a few months ahead of me, but unfortunately they lost their little angel. My heart broke into a million pieces, as I watched the pain they experienced. I wish that on nobody. NOBODY. I still watch them grow together, and am so thankful they have each other... It hurts to be that friend that doesn't know what to say. I've prayed for the correct words to take their pain away, but nothing works... It takes me back to when I lost my mother, and everyone wanted to say the right thing.. But there was nothing that could be said. I felt the love surrounding me, but I dont think I was able to fully comprehend much of anything... knowing that, I just kind of stopped trying to say the right thing. I just listen... And I pray... Needless to say, my pregnancy was filled with emotions. I had few people to talk to and it sucked... I missed my friends, and the situations being what they were, and the fact that I couldn't be selfish... I didn't... I just listened to others, and I prayed. I remember when I was pregnant with my first son, and the world drove me crazy.. I'd give Mymomma a call and she'd say "I'm so sorry this is what you're going through... well, I love you if it means anything.." And it would. It meant everything. Every single thing. Anyway, my little one is here and he's amazing. Labor was rough with no meds, but it was quick, and worth it... He's just perfect. Absolutely perfect. I work for a great company that has been nothing but supportive throughout my pregnancy and birth. I'm getting a full 16 weeks of paid maternity leave. While some days are rough, I'm so so grateful to have this time. My other babies adore HIM. Of course, and we're all geared up to give him the world. Day 1, means that I need to start over. I'm hoping that if I'm able to document more of my thoughts, I can get back where I need to be. Mentally, physically, and emotionally... Cuz LORD, gaining 50lbs this pregnancy has really put a toll on me. I wish I had a little button in the back of my head that I could push to get back right... but we all know a utopia is far from now. So here it goes... Get it right Lez!!!