I remember growing up, I had friends, but I didn't have a best friend until I was in high school... it was weird. It was like I had friends until they noticed the holes in my shoes, and the fact that I wore the same clothes every week... I tried hard to fit in, but it's tough when you're poor and trying to pretend like you're not. People don't get you and children are cruel. There's no way of knowing when Id come to school everyday that I didn't have a lunch... That I probably didn't eat dinner the night before... That I slept with roaches under the covers because there was no heat... that I locked myself and my siblings in the room just in case the crack dealer decided to break into our house and beat the shit out of my parents for owing him money... And that I just didn't want them to have to witness that again. (Reason number 534,891,277 why I emphasize to my children the importance of just being thoughtful and considerate to everyone no matter what).
I know my friends have been worried about me lately. Rightly so because I haven't been "me" in a while... But to get that text from a friend... A real friend... It warmed my heart for the second time in as many weeks. (Just a couple weeks ago, another close friend popped up on me because she's been worried about me also). To have this after losing someone I THOUGHT to be a BFF, words can't explain the feelings it brings. I try hard to just be me. No bells no whistles. Just me. I like to think that people respect that out of me. That they know I have a heart of gold and that there's very little I wouldn't do for anyone within my abilities. Nonetheless it still feels amazing that there are people that take time out of their day to think of me. And to wonder what's on my mind. And to worry about me. Me. It makes a huge difference in my day and how I feel about myself.
I know life could be so much worse but that doesn't mean it's not hard. And that at times I just need to cry it out. Because I do. Because sometimes I get so close to the edge that I don't know how to pull myself back. I'm working on it though. I'm doing the absolute best I can to get myself right. My children need me. And I think a few of my friends do too.
I chose red. Too much white leaves me with a terrible headache the next morning.
No comments:
Post a Comment