Life is crazy. You live it a certain way and take for full granted who and what's there. To the point almost where it only makes sense that things operate a certain way... Until they don't.
Life is never what it seems. Things change and it still must go on. Then you look back and try to convince yourself that it was just all a lesson. It happened to make you better. But what it if didn't? I know that while I was pregnant I used that excuse for way too many things. I ate bad because I was pregnant and should be allowed to eat what I want. I was very vocal about things and didn't care about whose feelings I hurt. I spent freely and for others to make them smile. And now where has this left me? I'm struggling to lose the weight I gained... I have to mend relationships and I have to pay off debt. Was this a lesson? Am I a better person? I surely don't feel like anything more than a nimwad. Lol I'm too old to still be relying on lessons for things that I should have known better in the first place.
One thing I have learned is that no matter what lessons I learned the world still soins. Life still happens. People are still people. I have to do for me. I put a lot of my happiness in the hands of others and I just can't do that. It's not realistic. And it's heartbreaking.
Dear Me, you will make mistakes. Grow the fuck up and stop making excuses. People will hurt you. Get over it and stop letting others dictate you. Things will not always go your way. Not everything is about you, so the world doesn't always work in your favor. You'll be ok. Put your trust in God instead of mortals. It will be ok. Leave the past in the past and move on. You'll be so much happier if you just let it all go. You won't know it until then. You don't know what you've got until it's gone...
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