Our Angel

A deer overpowered by heat came to a spring to drink. Seeing his own shadow reflected in the water, he greatly admired the size and variety of his horns, but felt angry with himself for having such slender and weak feet. While he was thus contemplating himself, a Lion appeared at the pool and crouched to spring upon him. The deer immediately took to flight, and exerting his utmost speed, and kept himself easily at a safe distance from the Lion. But entering a wood he became entangled by his horns, and the Lion quickly came up to him and caught him. When too late, he thus reproached himself: "Woe is me! How I have deceived myself! These feet which would have saved me I despised, and I gloried in these antlers which have proved my destruction."


What is most truly valuable is often underrated.

My sister posted a beautiful picture of herself on facebook last night. She was sitting in the backseat of a car, and there was this beam of light shining on her. She titled the picture "My guardian angel (Mom) is watching over me". Then a about 30 minutes later, another picture was posted. Similar to the first, and it said "See, she's always here".

The first thing that came to my mind, is how my mother was ALWAYS around. Bugging the hell out of us. I left a comment on her picture reminding her of how mom would come into our bedrooms early in the morning, turn on our television , sit on our beds, and just be THERE. No reason. Just to sit there. Oh Lord, we'd be SOOOO upset. We'd ask her "WHY do you have to do this SO early in the morning Ma?" Her response: "Because I'm your MOTHER, and I will be here as long as I want to be!" That thought. The whole thing. The vision of her sitting on the bed. The fact that I can STILL remember EXACTLY what her voice sounds like... it brought tears to my eyes. Like the big ones that ran my makeup. I couldn't stop them. All I could do was sit there and cry.

I cant help but to feel some type of remorse for the times that I took for granted of her just being around. My daughter and nephew spent EVERY weekend with her. She called to bug me EVERYDAY. And I hated it. With a passion I hated it so much. I hated how she ALWAYS wanted to come to my house to spend the night. How she'd always want to be laid up under me. I hated how she wanted to know EVERY bit about me, and MY business. I hated it ALL! But there's nothing I wish for more these days than to have her for just a little while longer. Just for a few more hours. Just long enough to tell her that I want her to always be around. And that I love her.

The Christmas before she passed away, I was so angry with her, but still wanted her day to be well. I got her a 14kt gold locket. It shows a mother and child in pearl, and a small diamond. She wore it everyday, and almost cried when she got it. In the months before, she had relapsed. She was pawning everything, and after she passed, we couldn't find her wedding ring, some gold bangles she had, and some gold earrings she loved. But this locket, she handed to me while at the hospital. She never once tried to sell it. She had it on up until the hours before she died. Only recently have I started to wear it. It sat in my jewelry box at home for the longest, and I refused to wear it... I'm not a fan of yellow gold. But now, I haven't taken it off. It's my way of keeping her near me.

Its amazing how you forget about what's important in life. And it's crazy how you cherish things at the wrong moments. From my moms passing, I've learned to live each day as if everything can disappear at any moment. Because it can. I make sure everyone knows how much I love and cherish them. I spend as much time with those that mean the most to me as possible. I try my hardest not to take things for granted. I know nothing is promised in life but death, so I just want to make the most of it.

But damn. I miss the hell out of my mother.