UGH... hate when reality sets in. It sets in and it hits you like a ton of bricks... Now that can be good or it can suck.
I remember when it all sunk in to me about Mama. I crumbled.
You start measuring days. Weeks and months start to look like they flew by.
Even when I look at things like... damn... I'm 28 years old. The last 28 years have flown by. I still remember vividly certain days of my life.
I remember when I was young, and I'd travel out of town... I'd go into the swimming pool of whatever hotel we'd be staying at. I'd dive head first to the deepest point. And I'd swim along the bottom of the pool, running my hand along the way. In my head the reasoning was that I'd never be there again. There would probably be a million other people that would mindlessly walk over this same spot that I was merely touching, and they'd never know that I touched it. But I did. And chances were that I'd never return to that spot ever again. How final is that? Over the years, I still sort of do that. When I stay at hotels I trace every corner of the room wondering what it would be like 10 years from now, and what it was like 10 years ago... Silly I know... but it allows my mind to wander.
I think about the places that my mother touched. The places that my grandmother touched. And I wonder what "important" people may have touched those same places... That matters little to none I know. But the thought of it is where my mind journeys.
I remember nights when I was young, and I'd lay in bed crying about whatever it was that was going on. And I'd stare at the moon for hours. Literally hours. Thinking of what my life would be like as a grown up... and what types of things would be going on in my life when I looked up at the moon at the age of 20, 30, 40, 50... I was convinced that no matter what, life would be better... And that helped me to sleep.
WOW! That was like yesterday.
Time has surely flown. Never would I have thought that with age and time came death. It never hurt me until I was older. And truly able to love and cherish and understand what it is to have the person living. And with you. To touch.
So yes... my mind wanders... it takes its own little vacations. But then I get awakened by the reality of everything. Which is that life is good; My mother is gone; My grandmother is gone; I have 3 children now;
But, Life is still good.
I remember when it all sunk in to me about Mama. I crumbled.
You start measuring days. Weeks and months start to look like they flew by.
Even when I look at things like... damn... I'm 28 years old. The last 28 years have flown by. I still remember vividly certain days of my life.
I remember when I was young, and I'd travel out of town... I'd go into the swimming pool of whatever hotel we'd be staying at. I'd dive head first to the deepest point. And I'd swim along the bottom of the pool, running my hand along the way. In my head the reasoning was that I'd never be there again. There would probably be a million other people that would mindlessly walk over this same spot that I was merely touching, and they'd never know that I touched it. But I did. And chances were that I'd never return to that spot ever again. How final is that? Over the years, I still sort of do that. When I stay at hotels I trace every corner of the room wondering what it would be like 10 years from now, and what it was like 10 years ago... Silly I know... but it allows my mind to wander.
I think about the places that my mother touched. The places that my grandmother touched. And I wonder what "important" people may have touched those same places... That matters little to none I know. But the thought of it is where my mind journeys.
I remember nights when I was young, and I'd lay in bed crying about whatever it was that was going on. And I'd stare at the moon for hours. Literally hours. Thinking of what my life would be like as a grown up... and what types of things would be going on in my life when I looked up at the moon at the age of 20, 30, 40, 50... I was convinced that no matter what, life would be better... And that helped me to sleep.
WOW! That was like yesterday.
Time has surely flown. Never would I have thought that with age and time came death. It never hurt me until I was older. And truly able to love and cherish and understand what it is to have the person living. And with you. To touch.
So yes... my mind wanders... it takes its own little vacations. But then I get awakened by the reality of everything. Which is that life is good; My mother is gone; My grandmother is gone; I have 3 children now;
But, Life is still good.
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